One of my absolute pet peeves is unsolicited advice. From anyone, but double especially from strangers. And for some reason, this seems to make me a magnet for well-meaning little old ladies and buttinskis everywhere. I run into the advice-givers in the grocery store, at church, at my children's school and even in my own family. Here are some witty* comebacks that I thought up WAYYYY after I was insulted by someone presuming to know more than I do:
1. To the old man at the grocery store who yelled at me to "stop having children and get off of government assistance": I ignored you, because I assumed that there is something wrong with you. However, you should know I get NO assistance, from anyone but the Engineer and half the kids you saw with me aren't "technically" mine. And we support them anyhow. Mind your own dern business!
2. To the old ladies who always said my child was undressed/overdressed for the weather: This baby has colic. I've been up for 35 1/2 hours straight. The fact that the baby and I have clothes on is amazing. If you would like to take this cute little ball of screaming home with you, I might really let you. Otherwise, mind your own dern business.
3. To the lady at church who "complimented" my shorter hair cut while mentioning that the "other way was weighing me down", and "made my face look long". I grew my hair for Locks of Love. Obviously, you are too shallow to consider doing something that would make you look in a way you consider less than perfect, but I'm not. And, you aren't all that. And, if you can't say anything nice, mind your own dern business.
4. To the brother-in-law who advised us on the best time to have children and have "as good a marriage as theirs" pssssshhhhbbbbb. We've seen your kids and how you treat your wife, you have NO room to talk. And oh yeah, mind your own dern business.
5. To the other-brother-in-law who advised us, while WE were dealing with a screaming toddler "not to become upset with irrational beings". You have no children, and so far, no spouse. Having two dogs does not qualify you to give parenting advice. Talk to me after you've lived through colic. AND mind your own dern business.
If you don't have enough to do, volunteer at a soup kitchen, go door-to-door spreading the gospel, or watch some daytime TV, but unless I ask you, I don't really want to know what you think. That is all.
* Hopefully, but even after thought, there is a whole lot of "mind your own dern business"