Magnetic Monkey and Other Vacation Magic

We were just hours from leaving for our vacation.  All the suitcases were packed, and I was in the kitchen, cleaning out the refrigerator.

"Mom, I am SO mad at Monkey,"  Hedgehog stated, in her tattle-tail voice.

"Huh?"  I said as I tried to decide if leaving iced tea for 10 days would be good or bad.

"She broke the magnet off the back of my necklace and swallowed it!"  she pronounced, with much indignation.

I froze.  "What do I do now?"  I thought.

"Monkey!  Monkey, get in here!"  Monkey shuffled in, looking at her feet, knowing she's done wrong, trying to be contrite enough not to be punished.  "Did you swallow a magnet?"

Monkey nods.

"Does your tummy hurt?"

Shakes her head no.

"Did you swallow more than one?"

Again, no.

"Can you breathe OK?"

Nodding again.

"OK, everybody come in here and watch TV while I make some phone calls,"  I call, trying to keep fear out of my voice.

I make several rapid-fire phone calls.  I leave a message for the nurse at the pediatrician's office, Grumppa tells me that Granny Bear is at work, at at Granny Bear's hospital (she's a nurse) she says to take Monkey to the doctor.  The pediatrician's office calls back, they say to take her to the ER for an X-ray.  I call a local clinic and they say they can do an X-ray.

"Everyone into the truck" I announce to the surprised children.  On the way to the clinic, I call the Engineer, who thinks I am overreacting.  "Kids used to swallow coins all the time and no one got an X-ray.  She'll just poop it out".  But everyone else I've talked to says we have to make sure it's not in her lungs, so we continue on.

A 45 minute wait with 4 kids late, the X-ray is taken and it is confirmed that the magnet is in Monkey's intestines.  I am instructed to "inspect" her feces until the magnet is out.  On vacation.  Fun.

The next day, about 10 hours into our drive, the A/C in the Engineer's truck starts stinking.  It smelled foul.  We were driving in the mountains at that point, and see some burned place, so at first we thought it was from smoke.  But the smell continues for the entire next 8 days of the trip.  All six of us in the truck with a stinky A/C.  Fun.

On day 6 of the trip we get to our hotel room and schlep all our stuff up to the second floor and discover the room is 80°.  When I called the front desk, I was told  "None of our accommodations have A/C".  Fun.

From all of my griping, you may think that we didn't enjoy our trip, but really, it was a lot of, well, fun.  But every trip has a few down sides, and the magnet and the $800 repair (heater core) to the truck were two really big ones!

The Funk

I've been in a funk lately.  It has felt oppressive, like very high heat and humidity combined.  It's been too heavy to lift on my own and too dark to see through.

It started before school began again.  The Thursday before school began, I took Handsome and Rascal to Grumppa for the school year.  Grumppa and Granny Bear raise the boys during the school year so that they live close to their mother.  Grumppa is 63 years old and works a full-time, physically demanding, outdoor job.   So, when we met up for him to take the boys home, he was coming straight from work, and he looked like hell.  And I knew that there was no way he would get any rest with two boys, 11 and 8, in his house, and it broke my heart.

I went home that night sad, but I didn't talk to the Engineer about it, the situation is just impossible, and I was afraid I'd start crying and not stop.

Friday and Saturday passed in a busy blur of "Meet the Teacher", getting school uniforms ready, converting the boys' room backing into a guest room and preparing for friends to come over on Monday.

Sunday was filled with church activities, making gifts for teachers and well-meaning friends asking if Monkey was ready for kindergarten.  And she was.

And before I knew it, it was Monday.  I took the girls to school, took pictures, got them settled in their classrooms, and left.  I came home and got out the refreshments I'd made for my friends and set out Grammy's china.  My friends came and we talked and cried "first day of school" tears.  And then they left.

And the quiet of my house echoed.

And as the week progressed, and the laundry, grocery shopping and housework started getting "caught up", the silence grew louder, and more frightening.  And I didn't tell the Engineer because I didn't know what to say.

I spent an entire half of one day in my sweats, eating Cool Ranch Doritos on the couch, watching "reality" TV.  When I finally got up to get into the shower, I wanted to cry.

I've felt worn-out, worthless and unwanted.  I've felt lonely and purposeless.  I miss the children, sometimes so much that I think I can't breathe.

And the funk wrapped around me like a hot, heavy, wet blanket and I couldn't move or breathe.  But I recognize the funk and am fighting back.  I've told the Engineer and I have a plan.  I'm telling people, and I'm taking care of myself and I'm going to win this fight with the funk.

Top 10 Summer Don'ts

Summer is quickly winding down, but I still thought I'd mention some ideas for you special folks out there who don't seem to be able to enjoy summer properly without getting on the nerves of every blessed person near them:

10.  Do not complain about your sunburn.  Sunburns are highly preventable.  Lotions, creams and sprays with high SPF are in most grocery stores, convenience stores, and dollar stores and they are easy to use.  Double don't complain if you get made fun of for raccoon eyes, or lobster face.

9.  Do not go to the pool and stare disapprovingly down your nose at all the children who are splashing and yelling and goofing around.  If you want a nice, quiet pool to read your book by, you'll have to get one for your own backyard.

8.  Do not go to a community attraction and complain about how crowded it is.  People go places during the summer, frequently in groups.  Double do not ask "where did all these kids come from?", as if you have exclusive rights to the zoo, museum or park.

7.  If you attend a public celebration that involves fireworks, do not take your canine companion unless you are visually impaired.  (In if you are visually impaired, why are you going to the fireworks display?)  Dogs don't like loud noises.  They will be very upset, and since you are obviously VERY busy, videoing the fireworks, there will be no one to comfort your poor doggie.

6.  Do not smoke over the heads of small children, yours or anyone else's. Period.

5.  Don't take your children to a local church for Vacation Bible School when they are outside the ages stated on all of their literature, signs and doors.  They haven't recruited workers to deal with your (non potty-trained) 2 1/2 year old, so you'll need to deal with your own little darling at your home.   

4.  If you MUST plan your outdoor wedding in July, please evaluate the terrain.  Folding chairs, plus a hill, plus sweet Great-Aunt Millie may not be a good combination.  Also, if YOU plan YOUR outdoor wedding in July, you MAY NOT complain about how hot your clothes are.

3.  If you part of a happy couple, keep your happy-coupleness to yourselves.  There is no reason that parents should have to worry that the local pool, grocery line or theme park is rated NC-17 due to your PDA. 

2.  Don't use the temperature as an excuse to gripe about the town/county/state you are currently living in.  Even if you are here temporarily, most of us are here by CHOICE.  We like it despite the heat, crunchy grass and all.

1.  Don't get in my sun, don't knock over my margarita, and don't drip on my book!

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Why Yes, Stranger, I'd LOVE your Opinion!

One of my absolute pet peeves is unsolicited advice.  From anyone, but double especially from strangers.  And for some reason, this seems to make me a magnet for well-meaning little old ladies and buttinskis everywhere.  I run into the advice-givers in the grocery store, at church, at my children's school and even in my own family.  Here are some witty* comebacks that I thought up WAYYYY after I was insulted by someone presuming to know more than I do:

1.  To the old man at the grocery store who yelled at me to "stop having children and get off of government assistance":  I ignored you, because I assumed that there is something wrong with you.  However, you should know I get NO assistance, from anyone but the Engineer and half the kids you saw with me aren't "technically" mine.  And we support them anyhow.  Mind your own dern business!

2.  To the old ladies who always said my child was undressed/overdressed for the weather:  This baby has colic.  I've been up for 35 1/2 hours straight.  The fact that the baby and I have clothes on is amazing.  If you would like to take this cute little ball of screaming home with you, I might really let you.  Otherwise, mind your own dern business.

3.  To the lady at church who "complimented" my shorter hair cut while mentioning that the "other way was weighing me down", and "made my face look long".  I grew my hair for Locks of Love.  Obviously, you are too shallow to consider doing something that would make you look in a way you consider less than perfect, but I'm not.  And, you aren't all that.  And, if you can't say anything nice, mind your own dern business.

4.  To the brother-in-law who advised us on the best time to have children and have "as good a marriage as theirs" pssssshhhhbbbbb.  We've seen your kids and how you treat your wife, you have NO room to talk.  And oh yeah, mind your own dern business.

5.  To the other-brother-in-law who advised us, while WE were dealing with a screaming toddler "not to become upset with irrational beings".  You have no children, and so far, no spouse.  Having two dogs does not qualify you to give parenting advice.  Talk to me after you've lived through colic.  AND  mind your own dern business.

If you don't have enough to do, volunteer at a soup kitchen, go door-to-door spreading the gospel, or watch some daytime TV, but unless I ask you, I don't really want to know what you think.  That is all.

* Hopefully, but even after thought, there is a whole lot of "mind your own dern business"

Misty's Shoes

My friend Misty only wears one kind of shoes. Ever. Seriously, I have spent TONS of time with her through teaching and attending the same Sunday School for years, plus we've coordinated Vacation Bible School together for the last two years, so I've had plenty of time to observe what she wears, and the shoes? They never change.

She's a teacher, of young, special needs children, so you would think that she'd have some boring, sensible, supportive shoes, but no, that's not what Misty wears.

She's a softball coaches' wife, so you would think maybe, sometimes, she'd rock some cute little sneakers or athletic shoes. Nah, that's not what Misty wears.

Easter Sunday usually calls for fancy dresses and teetering heels, but not Misty, that's not what she wears.

Hear young son has medical issues with his brain and his heart, so she spends a lot of time in COLD hospitals, so you would think that some warm, comforting shoes would be in order, but that isn't what Misty wears.

Misty ALWAYS wears sandals or flip flops. We live in a warm climate, but it isn't THAT warm year-round. So why? It's as if Misty's toes yearn to be free. It's like her feet need air to breathe and be free from the constraints that the rest of us put on our feet.

And that is so like her. There is great freedom in being Misty's friend. Freedom to say what you really think, without fear of judgement, freedom to laugh and freedom to be goofy whenever the mood strikes. So if you see a lady wearing sandals in January, you might want to be their friend, my flip-flop friend is amazing!

Happily Ever After

Where did we get the idea that getting married = happily ever after?  I blame Disney.  All the movies end after the wedding!  Ariel gets married, the end.  Cinderella - married, the end.  Aladdin and Jasmine tie the knot and boom - movie over.  Same thing in Tangled, Sleeping Beauty, Robin Hood and even Lady and the Tramp (kind of..he gets a collar!)

The fact is, marriage is hard work sometimes.  There is too much to do, and only the two of us to do it, and frequently, we have different ideas of who should do what.  Huge amounts of compromise and forgiveness are needed in any successful marriage.

And I want my kids to know that.  But I don't want to scare or worry them.  How do you do that?

I NEVER saw my parents fight.  In fact, I was in college when I first remember seeing my mom mad enough that she didn't answer my dad when he said "I love you" as he left the house.  I cried all the way back to my college.  I called as soon as I got there and asked my mom if she and daddy were OK.  She sounded confused when she answered yes.  Turns out it was a small argument of no real consequence.

I want my kids to be prepared for the fact that God uses marriage in wonderful ways to get rid of a great deal of our selfishness.  I want them to know that disagreeing doesn't mean that you don't love one another.  I want them to know that sometimes you may go to bed angry.  Some times you might not like each other for a bit, but you can still love each other and work through it.  I want them to not be as bewildered as I felt in the early years of our marriage.  I want them to be better equipped.

But I don't want to try them like adults and reveal to them every discussion that gets heated in our house.  I don't think it is helpful for them to know all the inner workings of our marriage.  Kids need stability, so I don't ever want them to feel that our home isn't solid.  There are so many things that they do have to worry about, homework, bullies and peer pressure are all things they MUST deal with now, and I don't want to add to the stress.

How do you balance educating and equipping versus scaring and stressing?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

My Mind? I Think I Packed That....

So, we're going on "vacation", the Engineer, Hedgehog, Monkey, Handsome, Rascal and me.  The packing and planning, I am good at, I think we have all we will need and we will have a good time once we arrive.  The climate where we are going is a good 20° cooler than where we are now, so I'm excited about that.  However, we are DRIVING.  15+ hours on the way there, and 17+ on the way back.  All of us, in one vehicle.  Yes, I know, that makes me certifiably crazy.  Nuts, nutso, insane, bonkers, unhinged.  I agree!  Pray for me people!

I Am Not Like the Others

Did you like that song on Sesame Street, One of These Things is Not Like the Others?  I used to, until I realized that it was completely talking about me.  My friend Kassidy and I have been talking about that a lot recently.  Whenever she calls, the kids all just go find something to do, cause they know it'll be a while.  We usually talk so long that I have to switch phones, because the battery is dying in the one I'm on.

I used to think that the song only applied with how my family related to me.  I am the one that is not like the others in my family.  Always have been.  Mom used to have to PRY books out of my hands to make me bathe.  Neither of my siblings like to read.  They both smoke and drink and party.  Me?  Well, I have an occasional drink, but even people who love me think of me as uptight and nerdy.  They've both held, and lost dozens of jobs, but I worked my way through college and kept one job after college until I married, and the next job from one week after the wedding until we left the country for the Engineer's job.

But the bigger thing is our differing attitudes towards our parents.  My parents pay my brother's and sister's bills routinely.  I would throw up if my folks had to pay my bills once, much less every single month.  And my siblings seem to believe that they are entitled to this type of treatment.  They seem to think, that my parents should pay for their bills and still give them gifts at holidays and, in my sister's case, raise her children for her.

I don't really fit with the Engineer's family either.  One reason is the physical differences.  I am short.  The Engineer is 6 foot 2, as are both of his brothers, his brother-in-law is 6 foot 7, and two of my sister-in-laws are over 6 foot tall.  The other sister-in-law is at least 4 inches taller than I am.

Also, there is the whole Engineering thing.  The Engineer, one of his brothers, one sister-in-law are all Engineers.  The other brother thought about being an Engineer.  Me?  Well, I like words, but numbers, not so much!

Kassidy has been frustrated with her family and her in-laws lately, too.  Sometimes we'll talk for the first 20 minutes about how nuts our families are, and spend at least the last 5 minutes reassuring one another that we won't become like our families.  I may not be like the others in my family, and I may not be the same as the Engineer's family, but me and Kassidy?  We are the same!

Growing Up

I've seen lots of posts lately about how we know when our kids are growing up, and it happens in the blink of an eye, but what about US?  Are we growing up and maturing and progressing right along with our children?

There are so many of us out there that just aren't growing up.  Failure To Launch on a nationwide scale.  So many people still depending on mom and daddy, or even living on their own but living like children.  So many people living outside of their means to have grown-up toys.  (The above soap-box was free of charge...)

While I was pregnant with Hedgehog, I prayed, and prayed and prayed for her not to be like me.  And God laughed.  She is a mini-me.  She looks JUST like me, and in so many ways, she acts just like me too.  And that frightens me.  I don't want her to have to fight the same demons that I fight.  I don't want her to have the emotional immaturity and social retardation that I struggle with.  I want her to be better.  So, I HAVE to grow myself up.

My growth, like that of my kids, comes in fits and starts.  Sometimes I do better than others.  This weekend, I was proud of myself.  I don't, in my own personality, like big gatherings.  I would rather be with one or two friends.  But this weekend, there were THREE family functions for Engineer's family.  One of them he wouldn't attend, but I needed to be there for all three.  I dreaded it.  I thought of all kinds of excuses not to go. Engineer's family contains some people who cut loose in ways that blow my skirt up, so to speak.

But KNEW that I would eventually enjoy myself.  When my imagination started going overtime, imagining horrible scenarios where people could possibly be unkind, I told myself that was not going to happen.  I pushed past my fatigue and actively loosened up to enjoy spending time with people.  And my kids benefited.  They enjoyed the family and played with all their cousins and even danced in public (which I practically NEVER do).

How do you know that YOU are growing up?

You Can Take a Child to Potty, But You Can't Make Her Pee

So, I like to be the boss.  I am a bit of a control freak.  Once you've read me a while, you will laugh until you cry, and maybe pee just a little, about how big of an understatement that just was.

Hedgehog potty trained just fine.  She was on schedule, and relatively obedient, so I was highly relieved that we had passed this hurdle without too much ado.

However, as a kindergartner, we started having potty issues with her.  She started being afraid of public potties.  She hated automatic flushes, didn't like anything that was not standard white, and if the potty didn't touch the floor, that was a problem too.

We went on a long driving vacation with the mother-in-law, the Belle Mère, and every time we needed to go to a public restroom, I had to drag her, kicking, flailing and screaming into the stall.  There is NO horror quite like feeling you've failed as a parent in front of the mother-in-law.  I held her in my lap and let her pee through my legs on more than one occasion, and had to let her leave the bathroom, not just the stall, before I could flush the potty.

We tried everything.  We tried being tough with her, we tried taking her on a "potty tour", to acquaint her with lots of different kinds of potties, we tried making sure that she pottied before we left the house, and we even tried earmuffs, but the problem persists.  She still hates public potties.  And now, it's not just the look or sound of the potties, when we went to a recent baseball game, she "held it" for 10 1/2 hours because the potties at the M.L.B. park smelled bad!

So many times, I will see a undesirable behavior in someone else's child and think "I wouldn't allow that", but the fact is, there are just a bunch of things in parenting that we can't really control.  There are battles that she will have to fight, that I can't win for her.  Her potty issues, have to be hers, not mine.  This is something that I cannot be the boss of.

What Are We Waiting For?

While we were cleaning out my late grandmother's house (more about that later, maybe, still too painful), my aunt was wearing my grandmother's perfume.  It smelled just like her, and it made me tear up.  When I mentioned it to her, she said "Life's too short to save your good perfume".  That has really stuck with me.

When my mother called to asked if I wanted my late grandmother's china, I asked her "Don't you want it?" and was SHOCKED when she said she had china.  I have never eaten on china at my mother's house, or ever even seen it displayed.

As I cleaned out and reorganized my table linens today, I came across some tea towels my other grandmother embroidered for me for my wedding.  I've never used them, never even had them out in my kitchen.  I put one out today.

While on the phone with a sister-in-law (the Tall One) we were talking about food for an upcoming family event and she mentioned a dish that we both love.  I was so excited to hear that we were having it and she exclaimed "Why do we save all the good recipes for the special occasions?"

It feels like God is trying to tell me something.  This life goes by so quickly, and the time since I had the girls has flown so fast that it makes my head spin, yet, so often I hold back the "great", the "special" and the "expensive" and never enjoy them.  Why do we do this?  I'm going to stop.  So, from here on out, I'm going to eat asparagus sometimes on a yucky Tuesday.  Occasionally, I'm going to break out the china for my family, not just for guests.  And I'm going to smell great!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Today we went to a Major League Baseball game, the nephews, the girls, the Engineer and I.  The last time I went to a MLB game was more than a decade ago.  I was not expecting to enjoy it.  I went just because the Engineer could not take the girls to the restroom and I worry about safety in a place as large as the ballpark.  But, it was just lovely.  We had a great time.  Seriously!  Highlights included:

• we sat in the all-you-can-eat section, so we stuffed ourselves with popcorn, nachos, peanuts, hot dogs and sodas
• we sang "take me out to the ball game"
• we watched the kiss cam
• we were appropriately "into" the game, that our team eventually won, in the bottom of the 11th inning!
• Hedgehog refused to use the "stinky" restrooms, and had to "hold it" all day
• Rascal dumped over and entire soda
• we shelled our peanuts and threw the shells on the floor
• stood and sang the national anthem
• cheered like maniacs at every hit
• took a bazillion pictures

It really wasn't that unusual of a day, for a day at the ballpark.  But, I'm hoping, that today is the kind of thing that they'll remember.  I think, too often, the memories I provide on a day-to-day basis are of me saying:

• pick up your shoes
• keep your hands to yourself
• why are there socks on my couch?
• get your hands out of your mouth
• clean up your mess
• go get a bath
• use our inside voice
• no
• because I said so
• that is not something we cry about
• go get a bath, NOW

And I know, that these things are necessary to raise adults that have clean houses, good manners, good hygiene, etc., but I really hope, and really pray, that when they are grown, they'll remember that I tried to have fun with them too.  I hope they'll look back and realize that I wanted to enjoy them, and not just raise them.  And I hope that I'll be mindful enough to enjoy them, not just raise them.

Over the Baby Blues

One of my sisters-in-law (The Coach) and her husband (The Bald Coach) have just had a baby.  She's a gorgeous, fat, smiley baby and I adore my newest little niece.  During family vacation, I walked and bounced and cooed with and over her little 1-month-old self.  And when she cried for too long, I handed her back to her parents with a smile.  It hasn't always been so simple with me and babies.

On the one hand, my babies nearly killed me.  Both of them had colic, so the Engineer would come home to me crying along with our baby.  With Monkey, it was worse, a crying mommy, toddler and baby.  And then, after she outgrew colic, she started having ear infections, like every 2 weeks.  It was a miserable time It is a wonder the poor Engineer didn't run for the hills when they were babies.  He slept many a night on our couch with an infant on his chest, just to give me a few hours of rest.

BUT, both Hedgehog and Monkey are girls.  Lovely, frilly, sparkly little girls, and I had always wanted boys.  Little miniature Engineers to carry on the family name.  I had visions of the Engineer playing catch with him in the front yard, and thought about them hunting and fishing together.  But, you can't just put in an order for a boy baby, and we didn't want to keep trying indefinitely, so I got my tubes tied after Monkey.

Some time during my sleep deprived, crying baby Monkey fog, Jeff said to one of the in-laws that we'd just adopt if we wanted a boy.  I latched on to the idea like a drowning person grabs on to a boat.  And for another year, I dreamed of going and picking me out a little boy to take home with us.  The in-laws weren't excited and even my own parents had some pretty old-school ideas about adoption.  So, we both prayed, and I was sure I would be able to pray the Engineer into going along with my plan.  God, and the Engineer, however, were not on board. 

And I was MAD.  I could not fathom why the answer was no.  It felt as if God and the Engineer were being unloving by denying me a son.  Every friend who had a new son was a fresh pain in my heart.  Being happy for pregnant friends was difficult for me.

Much, much later, my sister got a divorce.  And her substance abuse problem resurfaced.  And my nephews went to live with my parents.  The nephews now spend most of their school holidays at our house.  And I thank God that we didn't adopt, that we have a spare room in our house for these two little guys, who look nothing like the Engineer but that we have the privilege of helping to grow up.

So now, babies make me happy again.  I can trust God a tiny bit more, now that I can see that the "no" was just part of the plan.  I don't need a baby any more to convince me that I am loved.

Why I Wasn't At the Meeting

I am sorry, dear Pastor and church family for not attending this month's meeting, I was detained by a number of unforeseeable events. It started like this:

My brother-in-law announced his engagement back last May. She's a lovely girl, they seem very happy, so, naturally, we're very excited. The wedding date was set for January. She asked my daughters to be flower girls. They were delighted. We bought dresses. They were $150 each. The wedding date was then moved to April, and then "sometime this summer", and well, it is now June and there is no date set, just not going to be this summer.

So, at the urging of some of the 95 in-laws, I called the Bridal Sh*t Palace and ask if the dresses can be returned for store credit. After a series of questions, they say yes. I arrange to meet some of the in-laws in the same town as Bridal Sh*t Palace (a 2 hour drive away) and pack up the kids, the nephews, the dresses and myself.

We arrived at BSP to discover that they don't open at the normal boutique hour of 10 a.m., but instead at 11. Annoying. Regardless, we head across town to visit the zoo with the in-laws. ALL of my nieces and nephews are there, and it is just my mother-in-law and I to supervise all of them. It was, um, an adventure.

We had a hugely overpriced lunch at the zoo, and then proceeded back to BSP, where they unceremoniously inform me that there is NO WAY they can possibly take it back, and they cannot IMAGINE who told me that on the phone. I asked to speak to someone else and I am told that they can EMAIL customer service and I am welcome to wait for someone from customer service to call them back. With the 4 kids. Who are all smelling of duck food pellets and sweat from running around the zoo. In a bridal boutique. Uh. Sure...sounds like fun.

Instead, we went to the park, the one with the spray pad. The kids had fun, and I got a call from BSP informing me that Customer Service has called and said "NO".   There was a storm blowing in, so we decided it was about time to go. I gave the keys to Handsome so that he and the other 3 kids can get the towels out of the trunk of the car, and walked over just in time to see him slam the trunk with the keys inside. And then it started raining, HARD.

I called the Engineer and he looked up a locksmith on the Internet for me to call. They assured me that it would only be a 25 minute wait, in the rain, for them to get there.

When they arrived, they charged me $10 more than we had discussed on the phone.

When we finally got on the road, for the two-hour drive home, the kids were getting hungry and cranky, but there was no money to eat out because I'd had to pay the locksmith, so I sped along, trying to get back to town in time for the meeting, until it starting hailing. Then, I just pulled over and cried.

And that I why I didn't come to the meeting.  Thanks for noticing I wasn't there.
Linking up to Mama Kat's. This is writing prompt #3.) A bad day.

What Goes Around....

A post your mom would write if your mom wrote posts, yes, yet another prompt from Mama Kat's. They were just all so good this week that I just wanted to keep writing... that's a good thing, I think.

To my eldest daughter:
It is so much fun to watch you parent. I smile, not just because your children are so adorable, so precious and so much fun, but also because payback's a bitch!

Every time you call to talk about stubborn, eye-rolling, door slamming children and I don't laugh or say "I told you so", the joy in my heart is almost too much to contain. When you moan about the drama over simple silly things, I recollect my own years enduring sob fests over Cabbage Patch dolls. And when you lament that your children treat you like you are stupid, I wonder, "when was it that she realized that I am smart?"

When you call to tell me about your child wanting you to wait to talk to her "until I finish this chapter", I can't help it, I laugh out loud at your consternation. There were years that I couldn't get your attention because you were buried in Nancy Drew.

You, my dear, are paying for your raising. You, no doubt, tell your children "Because I say so" and that if they're going to cry "you'll give them a reason to", despite telling me that BOTH of those sayings were STEWPID and that you would NEVEAH say them to your children.

What goes around, comes around. One day, you'll think it's funny when it happens to them. Until then, have a glass of wine and call your mother.

Googling Down Memory Lane

Do you love it or hate it? An open letter to your child’s latest obsession.  This was the writing prompt from Mama Kat's Writers Workshop that began this little post:


Dear Google Maps:
You became an all-out obsession in my house today.  I know that technically the obsession is supposed to belong to one of my children, and my nephew isn't really mine, but he's living here for the summer, and that's close enough, right?

For some reason Handsome decided to look on the local weather web site's map to see if he could find the house.  After finding that very unsatisfactory, I decided to show him Google maps.  Apparently, that was a terrible idea.  We looked at satellite images of my house, his mom's house, and grandma's house before we discovered street view, and then, it was all over!

We looked at the Eiffel Tower, the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre, "walked" across the Golden Gate Bridge, saw Times Square, the Empire State Building, Big Ben and more.  And then I went to fix dinner, and I have NO idea where all Handsome "travelled" with you, but I know that it was a "safe site", so it was fine, except....

Well, he's not the only one who's obsessed.  He's been in bed for at least an hour now, and here I sit, happily clicking away, looking at the street view of old neighborhoods from my past, cultural sites I'd love to visit and generally wandering around the world, one street view at a time.

I hope our his obsession passes quickly, so that we he can get back to appreciating the world around us him.  Could you please quit being so darn fascinating, please? It would really help us him out.

Thanks
Auntie Bad Example

Who's Driving this Thing?

My grandparents always had a little John Deere mower and all of the grandkids rode it and drove it and generally thought it was the best thing ever. Occasionally, however, it bit us in the butt. One time in particular, my two younger siblings and I wanted to drive the tractor. The adults (my grandparents, parent and the next door great aunt and uncle) were sitting in the back yard in lawn chairs, enjoying the evening air, so they consented to let us ride together. I sat in the seat, along with my sister, who is three years younger than I am, and our brother, who is a full 7.5 years younger than me, sat on one of the wheel covers, and we ALL held on to the steering wheel. In retrospect, that was a bad plan. I had my feet on the pedal, there was just one, you pushed it to stop and let out to go, and I let up and off we went. Along the way, we got into an argument about which way to go, sister and brother wanted to go around both houses, while I want to go between the houses. A struggle ensued over the steering wheel and the result was a crash into the purple flox growing in the side flowerbed of my great aunt and uncle's house. The adults all thought it was pretty funny, except my parents, who were horrified at their offspring's behavior. Tractor riding was DONE for that visit, to say the least!

Changing Channels

So everyone else over at Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop seemed to have so much fun with this list, I just had to join in!  Here is my list of 10 shows I'd love to see come back and why, in no particular order:

1.  Full House - made practically everyone else's list too.  I can still hear the theme song playing in my head.  I loved Uncle Jesse and Becky was soooo cool, plus Kimmy cracked me up.

2.  Everybody Loves Raymond.  This family makes me laugh!  Partly because they are so weird, I mean, really - Robert and the whole touching food to his chin?  And partly because they are so relate-able - being in-laws is HARD!  (Favorite Moment:  Marie:  I am NOT just a trophy wife!  Frank:  What contest in Hell did I win?)

3.  Frasier - I don't really miss Cheers, I didn't watch it too much, but the writing on Frasier was sooo funny, and I LOVED the storyline with Niles being in love with Daphne for so long.

4.  Family Matters - Urkel was annoying and funny all at the same time, a very hard combination to pull off.  I wanted to be just like Laura.  Felt a little odd, wanting to be a Winslow, seeing as I'm, not African-American...

5.  The Cosby Show - The parents were funny, the kids were cool and there was singing and dancing sometimes.  I actually love it MORE as an adult, because I can relate to the frustrations of parenting and dieting (poor Cliff, never getting to eat a sandwich!)

6.  Doogie Howser, M.D. - He was cute (still is) and successful and my age, so what was not to love?

7.  Who's The Boss?  I loved bossy Angela, thought Tony was cute and was rooting for them to get together from the very first episode.

8.  Growing Pains - Mike was so cute, Carol was just soooo relate able and Leonardo DiCaprio was on it for just a little bit.

9.  Perfect Stranger - Balki was funny.  Period.

10.  Family Ties - the awesome artist's rendition of the family as the opening, plus Mallory and Alex sparring was awesome.  And you just gotta love anything with Michael J. Fox!

There you are, my list - what would be on your list?

Luxury

What is your definition of luxury?

• Egyptian cotton sheets?
• Huge flat screen TV?
• Room service?
• Champagne and caviar?
• A limousine and chauffeur?
• A maid to dust, iron and clean the ceiling fan blades?
• Fillet Mignon?
• Shiatsu massage?

Today, mine is this - sitting on the floor at my church's gym while the kids are gloriously occupied with skating to write in my notebook for a (mostly) uninterrupted 45 minutes!  Oh, the bliss!  Carving out little niches of time to write is difficult, much less a big chunk like this.  So they're busy with skating, either speeding back and forth perfecting their skills or just learning to make their way, wobbling around the floor.  And I, pen in hand, curl up with my notebook to write, say and dream whatever I want.

So, what's your idea of luxury?  (And if you are giving away anything from the list, send some my way, OK?)

Independence vs. Community

In early July the word "independence" gets thrown around a lot. Now, I'm a BIG fan of not being a British colony, and I appreciate our freedoms as a nation, but lately, I've been thinking a bit differently about the whole concept of personal independence.

As Americans, we're raised on the idea of the "independent spirit", told to grown up to be "strong, independent women" and the "Do-It-Yourself" culture has thousands of devotees, and I think we really believe  that independence is good.  But is it?

Does our independence make us lonely?  Does our insistence that we can do it ourselves mean that we never accept any one's offer of help?  Is "independence" just another word for "pride"?  Is it the way we keep others from seeing our flaws and making ourselves vulnerable?  When we die, will we think "I wish I'd been more independent?"  Or will we want a community of friends, family and loved ones by our side?

Having been raised in a family that would politely be described as quiet, and possibly more accurately as anti-social or eve hermetic, the whole development of a personal community is tough for me (even with the built in social structure of 95 in-laws!).  I would be the last to bemoan the fact that neighbors don't talk over the fence anymore.  Reaching out and accepting help is foreign and receiving advice and constructive criticism is unheard of.  And who am I hurting with my self-imposed, all-important independence?  Mostly me.

I cut myself off from those who know more and shut out opportunities to learn when I refuse to ask for help, or even accept offered help.  I miss out on a chance to make someone better of myself when I angrily draw myself up instead of trying to see myself through someone else's eyes.

Community, of course, isn't just one sided.  I could help others learn things.  I could tell people parts of my journey to encourage them on their way, and they could be better for it.

Depending on others to help me become better, and possibly help someone too might not be such a bad idea.  Today is my Declaration of Dependence - I can't do this alone - becoming better will take all of us!